Sunday, 28 December 2014

Time Out


When I got home on Saturday 20th December, I was a mess. 

I knew exactly why I was a mess, and I couldn't do anything about it. And on top of that, I had a cold- and I never get ill. As a result, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't think, and I spent days acting like a zombie. I curled up on the sofa, drinking endless cups of tea, and dreaming about the things I wanted to say. I almost completely shut down. 

But it's improving. My big brother arrived home a couple of days after I did and made me feel instantly better. I slept in a bed that doesn't squeak, and in a room that gets properly dark at night. I played the piano for hours upon hours, pouring myself into it. And then on Christmas Eve, the extended family arrived and I was thrown into Christmas chaos, with no time to think about anything but the celebrations at hand. I laughed with my brothers, drank champagne with my cousin's girlfriend, sat on the kitchen floor snuggling with the dog (who sadly isn't mine at all), and a smile spent a lot of time on my face. 

It would seem, therefore, that sleep, family, and tea have come together to pull me back together. 



I adore living in London, but it is HARD. I have a tendency to over-do it, and it leaves my work colleagues, family, and housemates worried about me. I push and push and do and do until the circles under my eyes take on a kind of permanence and I spend meetings ducking my head and trying not to yawn. G looks at me worriedly when I tell him that I'm away again at the weekend. E looks baffled when I explain that I spent my "quiet evening" baking enough cakes to feed a small army. D tells me I have to slow down and look after myself. And I'm not very good at listening to any of them. 

The week I have already had at home has done me the world of good- and the second week I am about to spend here will surely do the same. I feel rested and calm, my thoughts are ordered and sensible, and while obviously my demons are still there, they're a little quieter this week than they have been for a while. I am exceptionally lucky that I have got these two weeks off work- my work is actually closed now until 5th January, so I couldn't work even if I wanted to. It's blissful. 

I'm inevitably going to spend the next week busily building myself back up to return to the Big Smoke, but that's okay. I need a bit of busy to counter the calm, and vice versa. 

But I'm feeling much more like myself again, and for that I am incredibly grateful. 

7 comments:

  1. Oh no, this always happens to me at Christmas too, you keep going and when you stop you get ill straight away. Do look after yourself and enjoy the rest of your time off.

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  2. Ah I did exactly the same thing, headed to my grandparents house and was in bed from Christmas until today! It just hits you all at oncee but I am glad you are feeling better lovely :) x

    Jasmin Charlotte | UK Lifestyle Blog

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  3. I'm so happy to hear that your time at home is healing you a little Alice. Be sure to make the next week count too, with lots of rest and doing the things that make you happy. And then when you get back to London maybe find a local weekly yoga class or something like that which might help in lots of ways. But for now just focus on the calm of where you are right now. Sending warm hugs xx

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  4. I'm glad to hear that being home is helping a bit, definitely make sure that you keep resting and that you fill your time with all the things that make you happy! Sending lots of hugs your way.

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  5. You need to designate one evening a week as an off day, and do nothing except eat something simple and easy and watch TV! I'm prone to overdoing things and have learnt the hard way to take time out for myself.

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  6. So glad you are feeling better. A week of nurturing and comforting as well as rest can be the best medicine.

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  7. Keeping busy and making memories is the best way to deal with feeling like this. Good on you for spending so much time practising piano, so good to get something positive out of a negative. I wish you luck for 2015 and hope you're back to normal soon xoxo

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