Sunday, 26 May 2013

On Singledom, Independence, And Being 23

I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like the only single blogger in blog-land. You see all these adorable pictures of pretty bloggers and their handsome boyfriends, and it certainly feels like being the only single one at the wedding sometimes.

But suddenly, I really don't care that I'm single. Although I have been for a good while now, and not unhappily so, suddenly I'm absolutely bloody thrilled about it.

And not for the "obvious" reason either- I have no interest in going out and sleeping with as many random guys as possible- that's just not my scene in the slightest (though there is no judgement if it is yours). All of a sudden, I've realised how bloody brilliant it is to be 23 and single and independent.

For instance- look at this picture. 

I've had this picture for ages and have lost the source... So sorry!
Yes, the kissing couple are absolutely freaking adorable. But the girl to the left of the image- she's the one who interests me. Now taking this picture at face value- we know nothing about any of the people in it, after all- all I can see is one girl who has dealt with all of the stress of having a person she loves go away to war and come back safely- and one who has happily not had to deal with all of that.

I like being the one who doesn't have to deal with all of the stress of a boyfriend.

I went to the zoo with two couples on Saturday. I could quite easily have felt like the fifth wheel, but did I? Not in the slightest. We all had a lovely day, I got my ticket paid for me too (by a young man whose mother has clearly brought him up very well- his girlfriend is a lucky young lady), and I didn't get nagged for cooing over the adorable baby orang-utan for too long, or have to nag someone for putting their foot into the emu enclosure and getting it pecked.

I don't feel that I'm missing out right now by being single. Maybe there will come a time that I do- but right now, I get to do everything everyone else does, but without the hassle of having to try to find time to fit everyone in. I don't have to try to find a boyfriend a birthday present (hardest task ever) I don't have to feel guilty about spending £60 on clothes for a girly holiday- and I don't have to feel guilty about the girly holiday either. For instance, my brother is going on holiday with a friend in August- and not with his girlfriend. I imagine there has probably been A Conversation about this, and it's possible that there is some guilt and bad feeling about it. Do I feel guilty about my holiday? Hell no!

No, I'm not moving in with anyone. No, I don't have someone who brings me cups of tea in bed. No, I don't have someone to sob at when everything feels awful (actually, mums are the best people for this though). No, I don't have any imminent plans for marriage. But I don't care. 

I like my life. I like making decisions based entirely on my own thoughts and wishes and hopes and dreams. And yes, that might sound selfish, but if I'm not allowed to be selfish at 23, when am I!? 

If I never get married, yes, that might be a bit lame, as I don't really want to be a spinster. But right now, I'm pretty content with being single and independent, and not having to answer to anyone but myself. Because really, what is the point in moping when there's no one to judge you for eating two desserts?

From here


26 comments:

  1. very well said indeed! be selfish! why not?! don't let anyone tell you you can't be, after all it's your life and you should be the one you live it for :) xx

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    1. Eeeeexactly! I like being selfish now- I have the rest of my life for boyfriends and babies :) xx

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  2. I once heard a quote which went 'if you're not happy as a whole, how can you be happy as a half?' I thought that had a really good message. You shouldn't need someone to complete you, you should be a person in your own right. Great post :)

    xx

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    1. That's such a great quote! I definitely am very happy being a person in my own right at the moment :) thanks lovely! xx

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  3. Great post! You definitely don't have to worry about not being in a relationship in the slightest. The next one that comes might be forever so enjoy the sigleness while it lasts :) There are advantages and disadvantages to being in a relationship as much as there are to being single. Occasionally I catch myself thinking: life used to be so simple when I thought in 'I' rather than in 'we'. But then again as you said, it's great to have somebody to bring you a cup of tea in bed... I think the trick is to be happy with what you currently have.
    xx

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    1. Exactly my thoughts- what's the point in wishing away my singledom!? Of course, there are some lovely parts to being in a relationship, but you're right that just thinking in terms of "I" is a lot simpler. But you're so right about the trick being happy with what you have :) xx

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  4. Hear Hear!! I love being in the relationship I'm in now, but I LOVED being single. I always looked down on the girls in my grade that kept going from boyfriend to boyfriend because they couldn't NOT be with someone. Besides, you can flirt with all the hotties and not have to worry about anything. ;)

    Unless you're in an awesome relationship where you can do that... Hahaha which is rare. :) Although I will say that it's harder when you aren't in a relationship and have guy friends that have jealous girlfriends and don't like you.

    But you go girl!
    xx

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    1. I love being able to be happy alone- I don't think it's good to be dependent on others for your own happiness. It's true about the jealous girlfriends, but fortunately all of my male friends have lovely girlfriends I get on with! :) xx

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  5. Haha I love the last image!

    I am one of the 'taken' bloggers and do feel that for the last few months, my posts are heavily dominated by pictures of myself and The Gentleman. However as soon as we move into our new house, I'm back with my girls and out on the town.

    INDEPENDENT WOMEN!!

    Katie <3

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    1. Me too!! Don't worry, I like coupley posts too!! I am ALL for being an indpendent woman. And a single lady. (That Beyonce really knows her stuff!) xx

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  6. A lovely positive post, that's made me feel a bit better about moving from the easy life of a blogger-with-boyf to a single person.

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    1. I'm so glad it's made you feel a bit better. Chin up lovely, being single is pretty good too :) xx

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  7. I'm 23 and single as well, at the minute I don't have time for anything like a relationship and I'm very happy with that as I don't need one.
    My close friend has a boyfriend and to me it seems an effort for them to meet as their always on opposite shifts and stuff.
    To me a relationship would be an inconvenience at present.

    Such a great post that has really got me thinking.

    Leah x

    Peachesandsmoke.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. I think I would find a relationship exhausting at the moment- I'm out of the house so much with work that I'm not sure where I'd fit everything in if I had a boyfriend to keep happy too. Thanks lovely, I'm glad you liked it! xx

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  8. Hahah this is BRILLIANT! And you know what I'm in exactly the same position - I've been single for the last three years (almost), and while I've had little flings and been on dates here and there, I've not really found a guy that I was really that bothered about, or who really impressed me that much. And over the last couple weeks I've been wondering if there's something the matter with me - my friends seem to jump from one relationship to the next but I quite like the independence. Honestly I sometimes wonder though where they get the time from... Like you say I know eventually I will settle (hopefully), but for now I agree, it is pretty awesome to be single!

    So glad I came across your blog tonight after the lbloggers chat :)


    Hannah xx

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    1. Yeeeah for the single ladis!!! I don't think there's ANYTHING the matter with you, I think independence is brilliant. Dates are fun, but... I'm ok really! Very happy to have you here Hannah! xx

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  9. This is such a mature and bloody brilliant opinion on being single. I have a long-term boyfriend but boy, do I have my moments when I think how much easier things would be without him! haha. You are so right about relationships sort of edging into your decision making on things. I know I would feel terrible going on holidays without my boyfriend, and who wants to feel terrible on a holiday? xx

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    1. Thanks Sunae!! It's true, decision making is easier when you're allowed to be a bit selfish. I'd definitely get teh guilt thing if I went away alone whilst in a relationship- but I suppose the upside of being in a relationship here is that going on holiday with your boyfriend would be pretty awesome too!! xx

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  10. Hahaha! I LOVE that last image!! A cracking post, and better still, I could really relate to it, thanks!

    Stay Awesome! xo

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    1. Ahh thanks Emily, so glad you liked it! You stay awesome too ;) xx

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  11. I love this post. Being single, buying my own house and living on my own was one of the happiest times of my life, I often miss those days and have lots of lovely memories that I like to revisit once in a while :) xx

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    1. There are definitely so many lovely things about being single. I'm sure being in a proper grown up relationship is great too- but right now I'm going to make the most of it. But buying a house!? Certainly won't be doing that for a while....!! xx

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  12. Too bloomin' right lady!! You've got your head screwed on!

    Kate xx
    Just Pirouette and Carry On...

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    1. Thanks lovely! I'm not convinced I do, but I will DEFINITELY take that one! :) xx

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  13. Please tell me where to find a boy that brings you cups of tea in bed! Don't think Ben has ever done that. He also nags me to tidy up after myself. Pah! Saying that, he is my best friend. I don't feel terrible going on holiday without him, we tell each other what we want for our birthdays, we don't bother with valentine's day or anniversaries other than acknowledging they exist. I have very fond memories of being single but I am also in a relationship where I don't feel remotely trapped. So I guess that's the next best thing :) I'm pretty sure there are no gushy posts or photos of me and Ben on my blog. I find it all rather twee :P

    I am a firm believer of enjoying being single while it lasts! You have the perfect attitude, never go wishing away those single years!

    Jen | sunny sweet pea xx

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    1. Maybe I am over-romanticising relationships haha! Sounds like you to have a pretty brilliant relationship- when I get around to a relationship, I want yours, OK!? But definitely won't be wishing away my singledom- as Jana (becauseoflondon) said above, I think the key is being happy with what you have. xx

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